Undertale: The Novel - Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN: Enemy Approaching

I hesitated before turning any corners from that point on, just in case there was a skeleton waiting for me on the other side. Sans on his own wasn't a threatening sight, but something told me that wherever he was, Papyrus couldn't be far away. Once I saw that the coast was clear, I followed the path out of the clearing, and the first thing I noticed was a sign on the side of the road that read "Absolutely NO MOVING!!!" [What a strange sign to have on a road,] I thought. [How is anyone supposed to get where they're going if they can't move?] Ignoring it, I continued down the road, and not far along, I found another wooden sentry station. This one had a more rounded roof than the one Sans was supposed to be occupying, and it was enclosed all around except in front, which only had a low counter with a bell sitting on it. Assuming it to be empty, I tried to walk past it, but when I came close enough, I heard rustling from within and stopped in my tracks. A tall, dog-like monster stood up on its hind legs and looked out from the sentry station with large, angry eyes. His pointy black ears stood up, and he sniffed around with his large white snout. Something that looked like a dog biscuit was sticking out of his mouth.

"Did something move?" said the dog in a low, gruff voice. "Was it my imagination? I can only see moving things." His eyes darted back and forth. "If something WAS moving...for example, a human...I'll make sure it NEVER moves again!"

He jumped out of the sentry station and took hold of my soul, still standing on his hind legs, and I could see the rest of his black and white markings, his long white tail, and the tank top and spotted pants he was wearing. Around his neck was a collar with a tag that read "Doggo," and in his hands (or, rather, his front paws) were two short swords. I held as still as I possibly could in the hopes that he wouldn't see me, and it's not like there was anywhere I could go with him blocking my way. In that moment, I wondered if dogs in this world were anything like the ones on the surface. This dog was easily excited, like every other dog I knew, so maybe he liked to chase squirrels as a hobby, too.

"Don't move an inch!" he barked, and one of his swords glowed blue as he swung it in my direction. I tensed up and held my breath, expecting it to slice me in half, but I didn't even feel it as it passed through me. [How is that possible?] I wondered. [It must be another kind of monster magic.] There was no end to the tricks these monsters had up their sleeves. Doggo couldn't seem to find anything, but I was still afraid to move. "Will it move this time?" he said, passing the other sword through me. Once again, I took no damage. [That must be the secret to the blue magic,] I thought. [But I can't stand here all day. There has to be a way around this guy.] Doggo's eyes shifted rapidly from side to side, and once I was certain he wasn't focused on me, I reached out my hand and pet him. His head turned in all directions, his eyes went wide, and it almost looked like he was smiling.

"What! I've been pet!" he barked, panting and running in circles. He dropped his blue-glowing swords, and I remained still until they stopped. When I looked down, I saw that my soul had also stopped glowing. When Doggo was tired out, he climbed back into his station, leaving a pile of gold coins on the ground below the counter.

"S-S-S-Something pet me..." he stammered. "Something that isn't m-m-moving..." He caught his breath. "I'm gonna need some dog treats for this!" He ducked back into the station, and I knelt down and picked up the pile of gold coins, counting out thirty. As I stood up again, I gave the bell on the counter a ring, just to see what would happen. I held perfectly still as Doggo peered out with a dog treat in his mouth. "Hello? Is anybody there...? No?" He ducked back under, but returned when I rang the bell again. "Are you two playing a trick on me? Real funny." [Are you referring to Sans and Papyrus?] I wondered. [Or some other two that I haven't met yet?] He descended again, and I rang the bell a third time. "Big guy? Is that you? Come on..." I tried to hold in a laugh as I rang the bell once more. "Well, it's not the tall skeleton...he's too loud." Just to see how much trolling this dog would put up with, I rang the bell one last time. "Whoever you are, knock it off!" [Poor Doggo,] I thought as he returned to his treats. [Looks like he could use a guide dog of his own.] A few paces from the sentry station, I found the charred remains of some dog treats on the ground. [Has someone been smoking dog treats?] I wondered. [Is that how those work around here?] I think that was when I stopped assuming anything in this world would make sense.

As I moved on down the snowy path, I found Sans standing by a frozen pond. "Hey," he said when I turned to him, "here's something important to remember. My brother has a very special attack. If you see a blue attack, don't move and it won't hurt you."

"Okay," I replied, "I'll remember that. Thanks." I didn't want to be rude and tell him I had already figured that out, since he was going against his own brother to help me.

"Here's an easy way to keep it in mind," he went on. "Imagine a stop sign. When you see a stop sign, you stop, right? Stop signs are red. So imagine a blue stop sign instead. Simple, right? When fighting, think about blue stop signs."

"Got it," I said, giving him a thumbs up. I took a step onto the ice and felt that it was solid enough to support my weight, but as soon as I tried to walk on it, I found myself sliding all the way across. I shouldn't have ben so annoyed; I could continue on my way now, but there was a sign on a tiny patch of land in the middle of the pond, and I was curious to know what it said. Turning around, I stepped back onto the ice and slid in a different direction, stopping and turning until I finally reached the dry ground. Upon closer inspection, the sign read "North: Ice. South: Ice. West: Ice. East: Snowdin Town (...and ice)." Since there was no path leading south from here, I could only imagine where the reference point for this sign was. I slid upwards and followed the path leading north, and I came to another dead end, but this time, before the river, there was a snowman a little taller than me at the end of the road. He had a carrot nose, and small stones formed his eyes and smiling mouth. He was perfectly still at first, but when I went up to him and took a closer look, he spoke up, causing me to take a step back.

"Hello," he said, "I am a snowman. I want to see the world...but I cannot move. If you would be so kind, traveller, please...take a piece of me and bring it very far away."

"Alright," I answered. "Sure."

"Thank you..." the snowman replied. "Good luck!" He didn't speak or move as I went behind him and took a handful of snow from his base. I didn't want the rest of my things to get wet, so I took some excess foil from the butterscotch pie and wrapped it up before putting it in my bag. Perhaps I should have been worried about the snowman piece melting and leaking out of the foil anyway, but again, I had given up on trying to make sense of this world.

When I returned to the frozen pond, Sans wasn't where I had left him, so I slid across the ice and followed the path leading east, keeping my eyes out. I emerged from the forest into a small, open space on a high cliff, and sure enough, there he was on the other side, standing face to face with Papyrus. Between them and myself was a large square where the snow had been cleared away, exposing the smooth stone ground. Fearing it to be a trap, I stood and listened.

"You're so lazy!" Papyrus scolded. "You were napping all night!"

"I think that's called...sleep," Sans retorted.

"Excuses, excuses!" I couldn't suppress a laugh at Papyrus' tirade, and when the two of them turned and saw me, his scowl turned into an ecstatic smile. "Oh-ho! The human arrives!" he declared. "In order to stop you...my brother and I have created some puzzles! I think you will find this one...quite shocking!" His eyebrows lowered slightly for a second, as if he was ashamed of his own pun. [He and Sans really are two different people,] I thought. "For you see, this is the invisible...electricity maze! When you touch the walls of this maze, this orb will administer a hearty zap!" Papyrus pulled out a small, blue orb and held it up for me to see. "Sound like fun? Because! The amount of fun you will probably have..." His eyes shifted to the side. "Is actually rather small, I think." Then he refocused on me. "OK, you can go ahead now."

I looked down at the blank floor, then looked up at Papyrus and gulped. [You can't be serious.] People have died from receiving electric shocks too powerful. How could he smile at me as if this was a game? But why should I be surprised that a human-hunting fanatic like him would have such a sick sense of humor? As it turns out, I was far more worried than I should have been. I only took two steps towards the maze, and the orb went off in Papyrus' hand, causing him to flash and vibrate from the shock. When it stopped, his whole body was burned black and smoking, and I fell backwards into the snow, laughing and rolling.

Papyrus shook off the ashes and stomped his foot in rage, flapping his hands and paying no attention to me. "Sans! What did you do?!"

"I think the human has to hold the orb," Sans replied in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Oh, okay," Papyrus answered just as casually. I stood up as he walked around the edge of the puzzle, then crossed over the square in a very specific line, and he emerged in front of me without having taken a single shock. "Hold this, please!" he said to me, then tossed the orb into the air. It landed perfectly on my head and balanced there, and Papyrus retraced his steps back through the maze to the other side. Then he turned around and called "Okay, try now!"

I had to hold in my laughter to keep the orb balanced on my head. [Does he realize how easy he just made this for me?] While walking through the maze, he left a trail of wet footprints behind him, so I stepped onto the stone and followed the path to safety, coming out on the other side unscathed. It might have been easier if I had held the orb in my hands, but balancing it on my head added a challenge after the original had been lost. I emerged onto the snow, went up to Papyrus, and held the orb in my hands for him to take. He and Sans turned to me.

"Incredible! You slippery snail!" Papyrus remarked, and I chuckled at how astonished he was. "You solved it so easily...too easily!" He smiled gleefully, as if he wasn't the least bit upset that I had worked my way out of his trap. "However! The next puzzle will not be easy! It is designed by my brother, Sans! You will surely be confounded! I know I am!" And he slid backwards across the narrow land bridge ahead of us, laughing "Nyeh heh heh heh heh!"

I went up to Sans, who was wearing his usual smile. If he found Papyrus' mistakes as amusing as I did, he did a good job of hiding it. "Hey, thanks..." he said to me. "My brother seems like he's having fun." I smiled and nodded in hearty agreement. "By the way, did you see that weird outfit he's wearing?" he went on. "We made that a few weeks ago for a costume party. He hasn't worn anything else since...keeps calling it his 'battle body.'" I chuckled a little. "Man. Isn't my brother cool?"

I didn't reply, just smiled at Sans and made my way across the land bridge. I wasn't sure how to answer; on one hand, Papyrus was fun to watch and had more enthusiasm than anyone I'd ever met. On the other hand, I had a hard time finding anything cool about someone who wanted to make an impression on monster kind by condemning a child to die. Okay, maybe I wasn't one to judge, since I came down here wanting to make an impression on humanity by killing every monster in the Underground. But I scrapped that plan, and that counted for something, right?

There was no puzzle on the other side of the land bridge, just more open space and a few evergreen trees scattered around. Near the edge of the plateau, there was a monster with blue fur and rabbit-like ears leaning up against something that looked like a freezer on wheels. He wore a bright yellow shirt and bright red pants, and the umbrella on the freezer cart sported the same colors. Still, his glum face didn't match the vibrant color scheme, and he didn't seem to notice when I approached him.

"I don't understand why these aren't selling..." he said to himself. "It's the perfect weather for something cold..." Then his eyes shifted downward, and when they landed on me, his whole face lit up. "Oh! A customer! Hello! Would you like some Nice Cream? It's the frozen treat that warms your heart! Now just 15 G!"

"Sounds good to me!" I answered, removing my backpack and digging through the money pouch. There were definitely more than fifteen gold coins in there, so I pulled out thirty and handed them to him. In exchange, he gave me two cold things in plastic wrappers that felt like the ice cream bars we would get from the truck that drove by in summer.

"Here you go!" he said. "Have a super-duper day!" And his focused turned to the area around him, his large ears listening for more potential patrons. I stowed the Nice Cream in my bag, confident that it wouldn't melt, and crossed over a bridge of wooden planks that filled in a narrow gap between one part of the plateau and the next. A short distance away, I saw Sans standing near some trees and was surprised at first, but then figured he crossed the land bridge while I was talking to the Nice Cream vendor. [Maybe I should offer to buy him some,] I thought.

"Hey, Sans," I said as I approached him. "Guess what? The guy over there is selling a special kind of ice cream!"

Sans' smile was the same as ever, and it made me wonder if his face was permanently fixed like that, or if he was always just happy to see me. "I've been thinking about selling treats, too," he replied. "Want some fried snow? It's just 5G."

"Um...yeah, I'll take some." It sounded like a prank at first, but there was such a thing as fried ice cream on the surface, and in a world full of magic, I supposed it was possible.

"Did I say 5G? I meant 50G." Sans' expression didn't change, not even a wink.

"Uh...okay...I might have that much..."

"Really? How about 5,000G?"

I felt like playing along. "You know what, sure."

"50,000G. That's my final offer."

"Okay, that's not fair. Nobody's got that kind of money." I smiled playfully.

"What? You don't have the money?" His eyes shifted to the side. "Hey, that's okay. I don't have any snow."

I was about to ask him what he thought we were standing in, what was covering the ground all around us, maybe roll up a snowball in my hand and throw it at his face. But he knew exactly what he was doing, and I didn't want to play into it, so I left him alone.

A much larger patch of stone floor had been cleared away on this side, and at the end near me was a snowball about the size of a soccer ball. I kicked it across the ground, and it stayed perfectly intact as it rolled farther down the course. With no one around to return it, I kept kicking it along until I saw a round hole at the far end of the course and realized the point of the game. In a few more small kicks, I landed the ball in the hole, and a white flag rose up from it with seven words printed on it. Each word was written in a different color: "Bravery" in orange, "Justice" in yellow, "Integrity" in dark blue, "Kindness" in green, "Perseverance" in purple, "Patience" in light blue, and "Determination" in red. [Determination. I have plenty of that.] I wondered what the significance of the other words was, and if they had anything to do with me. Patience, bravery, integrity, perseverance, kindness, and justice. All good things to hold in your heart, especially if you're on an adventure in a strange new place. I supposed I would find out sooner or later which ones I could master and which ones I would struggle with. But I would always be filled with determination. That's just who I was.

I looked inside the hole to see if there was any prize for my score, and sure enough, there was a pile of gold coins at the bottom. I reached in and pulled them all out until I got my hands on all fifty. "Thank you," I said out loud, hoping whoever created this game would hear me. After I deposited my earnings and returned my bag to my shoulders, I saw a much smaller snowball sitting on the ground, out of range of the course. When I went over to inspect it, I found a note on the ground beside it that read "It may look like a snowball, but it's actually a snowdecahedron." Smiling at yet another surprise pun, I ventured onward.

In the next section of the forest, a narrow strip of cleared ground separated me from Sans and Papyrus, who were apparently awaiting my arrival on the other side. Papyrus smiled when he saw me. "Human!" he called out. "I hope you're ready for..." He looked at the empty space between us, and his face quickly turned angry. "Sans! Where's the puzzle?!"

"It's right there," Sans replied. "On the ground. Trust me. There's no way they can get past this one."

I walked halfway across the cleared area and stopped when I saw a piece of paper lying on the ground. When I bent over and picked it up, all I saw was a cluster of letters and a few words below it. The title across the top read "Monster Kidz Word Search." I hid my smile behind the paper as I scanned the cluster. I found some of the words written forwards, some backwards, and some running up and down; one of the words was just a nonsense string of letters that made up the entire top row. I would have tried to finish it, but since I didn't have anything to write with, I dropped it and joined up with Sans and Papyrus at the other end.

Papyrus' agitated expression reappeared. "Sans! That didn't do anything!"

"Whoops," said Sans. "I knew I should have used today's crossword instead."

"What?! Crossword?! I can't believe you said that! In my opinion..." His eyes shifted to the side, and his anger turned to mere annoyance. "Junior jumble is easily the hardest."

"What? Really, dude? That easy-peasy word scramble?" It was the first time I heard actual disdain in Sans' voice. "That's for baby bones."

"Unbelievable," Papyrus vented before raising his voice again and turning to me with a friendly smile. "Human! Solve this dispute! Which is harder?"

"Hmm..." I thought about it for a few seconds. With no one at home or the orphanage to play with, I spent a lot of time solving puzzles in newspapers and magazines, and I enjoyed doing jumbles and crosswords equally as much. But thanks to the Internet, it was easier to find answers for crossword puzzles when I was stuck, so that made them easier by default. Plus, in this instance, siding with Papyrus felt like a smart move. "I'd say jumble is harder."

"Ha! Ha! Yes!" Papyrus shouted. "Humans must be very intelligent! If they also find junior jumble so difficult! Nyeh! Heh! Heh heh!" And away he ran.

Once he was gone, I turned to Sans, who smiled his approval. "Thanks for saying 'junior jumble' just to appease my brother. Yesterday he got stumped trying to 'solve' the horoscope."

I giggled as I continued walking through the snowy forest. Even if Papyrus was bent on capturing me, did I really have cause to be afraid of someone so dimwitted? But as it turns out, that skeleton had even more surprises in his arsenal. A little farther along the plateau, I found another patch of bare ground with two tables on it, and a note beside them. On one table there was a microwave, and on the other was a fork and plate of pasta with tomato sauce. Upon closer inspection, I saw that the note was written in familiar handwriting. "Human! Please enjoy this spaghetti. (Little do you know, this spaghetti is a trap...designed to entice you! You'll be so busy eating it...that you won't realize that you aren't progressing! Thoroughly japed again by the great Papyrus!) Nyeh-heh-heh, Papyrus."

At this point, my face was sore from laughing. "It's not a trap if you put a warning label on it, Papyrus," I said, as if he were around to hear me. I sincerely doubted he was; there were no trees or snow banks tall enough for him to hide behind in this area. I took another look at the plate of frozen spaghetti and tried picking it up, but it was so cold, it was stuck to the table. Not that I had a way to heat it up, anyway; the microwave on the other table was unplugged. [That would have been perfect,] I thought. [All of the settings say "spaghetti."] After what must have been hours of walking around and solving puzzles, I was so hungry that I would have eaten the whole thing cold, but the fork was stuck to the table as well, and there was no biting into it.

Behind the tables, there was a tall, sheer cliff face with a tiny hole at the bottom. I bent down and took a peek, and just as I suspected, there was a mouse inside. There must be one of these holes in ever region in the Underground, I reasoned, and this is where the mice take shelter from the elements, or from other monsters, or perhaps both. I tried to coax the mouse out of the hole, hoping to offer it some of the spaghetti, but it scurried away as soon as I brought my face to the opening. "It's okay," I whispered, "someday you'll see that I'm not so scary." Knowing the mouse might one day find the courage to come out of its hole filled me with determination, and maybe it would even find a way to heat up the spaghetti. On the ground in front of the tables, a Saving Star was sticking out of the snow. I picked it up, noted the letters S-S on the other side, and left the one I had from before in its place. Tearing my eyes away from the frozen food, I continued onward, looking for a place to sit down and rest.

I had arrived at another open space at the edge of the plateau, and next to the first tree I came across, there was a sign that read "Warning: Dog Marriage (Yes, you read that correctly.)" Before I could even begin to process that, something came running up to me from behind, taking hold of my soul in the process. I turned and saw a fluffy white dog, standing on two legs and staring at me with dark eyes and a tongue that hung out in anticipation. The dog was wearing a tunic and armor like that of a medieval soldier, and it carried a long sword in one paw and a large shield in the other. I slowly inched closer to the monster, afraid that it would pounce on me at any second, and I saw that the tag on its collar read "Lesser Dog." It looked so much like the dogs of the surface, probably a Samoyed or a white Pomeranian, and despite the battle gear it was sporting, I couldn't resist the urge to pet it. I barely lifted my hand and Lesser Dog got excited, panting and jumping up at me. I backed up to avoid being knocked over, and the dog started barking excitedly. My soul had already stopped glowing, but clearly this dog still wanted to be pet and I still wanted to pet it. I lightly touched the dog, and it was already overexcited, to the point where its neck was stretching upwards. Its sword glowed blue, and I held still long enough for it to retract it. I pet the dog again, and it raised its head up to meet my hand. "Who's a good dog? You are!" I said as I pet it again, and it started making excited noises. Lesser Dog was over-stimulated, and its long tail was wagging so rapidly, it was hard to tell that it was even moving. I pet the dog again, and its excitement knew no bounds. It continued to pant, jump up, and make excited noises, and I just kept petting it, watching its neck grow longer and longer. It got to a point where I had to jump up to pet the dog, and then it made a sound like a motor revving. One turn, I didn't even pet it and it got even more excited, and the noise it made sounded like a plane taking off. But Lesser Dog showed no signs of stopping. "Is there no way to stop this madness?" I wondered aloud. As if in response, Lesser Dog made a noise that sounded like a kettle whistle. I pet it again, perhaps against my better judgment, and Lesser Dog entered the realm of the clouds (or, rather, where the clouds would have been if we weren't underground.) I called the dog, but it was too late; it couldn't hear me. Still, I heard a bark from far away. Lesser Dog's neck must have reached its maximum height, because the next time I tried to pet it, its head turned upside down and began its descent. Eventually I could reach its head again, and it barked and panted when I pet it once more. "Uh...we may have a problem..." I said, in the hopes that someone would show up who knew what to do about it. But Lesser Dog's neck continued to stretch as I pet it, finally stopping when its head was touching the ground. I reached out my hand to pet it again, but decided against it when I imagined its head drilling into the ground, or the poor creature toppling over from the weight of its neck. Still, it appreciated the attempt.

"You have gone where no dog has gone before, my friend," I told Lesser Dog, and its neck retracted all the way back to its proper size like a roll of measuring tape. A stash of gold coins came flying out, and I picked up all twenty of them as the dog ran away. That was probably for the best; if it had stuck around, I would have spent the rest of the day rubbing its belly and throwing my stick for it to fetch. Looking around, I saw a square of powdery snow on the ground before me, and as I kicked away the dusting, a picture was revealed. The image was a layout of this very area, with a red X in the far corner. When I turned my head an saw a row of spikes blocking the next path, I knew what I had to do. I memorized the map and found my way to where X marked the spot, and when I dug in the snow between the three rocks, there was a switch hidden underneath. I stepped on the switch and heard a loud click, and when I returned to the route, the spikes were gone, and I moved along in the silence.

That silence should have made me wary, but I wasn't expecting anything to approach me as I crossed the wooden bridge over the next narrow chasm. So I was startled stiff when two monsters in black hooded robed marched towards me, wielding large axes. They stood side by side, and all I could see of them were their long snouts and white feet. Their close proximity to each other as they surrounded me made my heart race, and I held as still as I could, hoping they couldn't see me under their hoods. Anticipating a fight, I let my bag fall to the ground.

"What's that smell?" said one of the monsters in a man's voice.

"Where's that smell?" asked the other in the same tone, but with a woman's voice.

"If you're a smell..." said the man.

"Identify yoursmellf!" ordered the woman.

I said nothing as the two of them started circling around me, moving too quickly for me to try and run away. They sniffed intently with every step, never taking their noses off the ground. Then they returned to where they stood before, blocking my way.

"Hmm...here's that weird smell..." said the male monster. "It makes me want to eliminate."

"Eliminate YOU!" shouted the female monster.

My soul glowed bright red as my attackers cast off their hoods, revealing themselves to be a pair of long-eared dogs. With their hoods down, I could get a good view of their collars; the male's tag read "Dogamy," and the female's tag read "Dogaressa." All the urges I felt with Lesser Dog came rushing back to me, but as I reached out my hand, they eyed me suspiciously.

"Paws off, you smelly human," barked Dogamy.

"That's not your husband, OK?" Dogaressa snapped. The two of them nuzzled noses as they swung their axes in unison, and I had to study the curves of the blades so I would know how to duck and jump to avoid being hit. [So this is what the sign was warning me about.] They came in closer to reevaluate my smell, and in an attempt to throw them off, I rolled around in the dirt and snow. [I bet I smell like a weird puppy,] I thought.

"Don't touch my hot dog," Dogamy barked.

"He means me," added Dogaressa, just before they swung their axes again. I stood up just in time to dodge the blades. Thinking they would want to re-smell me, I held still and let them sniff me again. I must have smelled alright after rolling in the dirt, because they were slower with their axes in the next attack. Once again, I came out unscathed.

"What!" Dogamy remarked. "Smells like a..."

"Are you actually a little puppy?!" asked Dogaressa.

Of course I was satisfied that my plan worked, but I was having too much fun with these dogs to leave it at that. The first chance I got, I pet Dogamy, and his eyes went wide. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "Pet by another pup!"

After dodging another round of axe swinging, I pet Dogaressa, and she smiled. "A dog that pets dogs..." she wondered. "Amazing!" The two of them circled around me and licked me all over, and when they were finished, I plopped back into the snow and romped around with them on all fours until my soul stopped glowing. Gold coins fell out of their robes, and I picked them all up, counting forty. Then the two of them stood up.

"Dogs can pet other dogs?" Dogamy mused.

"A new world has opened up for us..." added Dogaressa.

The two dogs picked up their axes and head back up the path from which they came, and I heard Dogamy call out "Thanks, weird puppy!"

After they disappeared from view, I stood up and brushed off the dirt and snow. The faded ribbon was practically falling out of my hair now, so I undid it and put it in my bag for safe keeping. As I walked along and rounded the bend, I thought I saw a camera hidden in a tree, but I was more concerned about the two blue X's on the ground, surrounded almost completely by rocks. On one side of the rocks, there was a switch, and on the other side, I found a sign that read "Turn every X into an O. Then press the switch." I looked ahead and saw a row of spikes blocking the path, and Papyrus stood on the other side of them with his back to me. [Guess there's no way around this,] I thought. [But how am I supposed to turn these X's into O's?] With nothing else to do, I went through the opening in the rocks and took a closer look at one of the X's, hoping to find some sort of hint. When I came too close and accidentally stepped on it, I gasped, thinking I had broken it. But as soon as I pulled my foot away, the blue X transformed into a red O, and I sighed with relief. I went around to the other gap in the rocks and stepped on the other blue X, and it, too, turned into a red O. Then, just out of curiosity, I stepped on it again and it turned back into a blue X. Changing it to an O once more and then backing away so as not to mess it up, I went over to the switch and stood on it, causing the O's to light up green. As the spiked were pulled back into the ground, Papyrus turned around with a jolt, and his jaw dropped when he saw me. For a split second, I thought I saw a pair of eyes bulge out from his head.

"What?!" he exclaimed, furrowing his eyebrows. "How did you avoid my trap? And, more importantly..." His tone shifted, and his expression changed to a pleasant smile. "Is there any left for me?"

There was no point in lying to him. "Oh, the spaghetti?" I said. "Yeah, I left it all." But there was also no point in explaining that I only left it because he left me with no way to pry it from the table and no functional way to heat it. I've read enough books and seen enough movies to know that making your enemy feel stupid usually backfires. Still, I figured he deserved to know that I would have eaten it if I could. "It looked pretty good, though."

"Really?! Wowie..." His eyes and tone softened, as if that was the answer he wanted to hear but wasn't expecting. "You resisted the flavor of my home cooked pasta...just so you could share it with me?" Then he perked up again. "Fret not, human! I, master chef Papyrus...will make you all the pasta you could ever want! Heh heh heh heh heh heh nyeh!"

He ran away so fast that I was certain I would lose him again, but I caught up to him a few paces later, and this time, he was awaiting my arrival with that same friendly grin. "Oh, hello again," I said, playing along with his game.

"My brother started a sock collection recently," he said, and then narrowed his eyes has he added "How saddening..." I was almost shocked by the gentle tone in his voice. "Sometimes I wonder what he would do...without such a cool guy taking care of him? Nyeh heh heh!"

With nothing to say in response, I kept walking down the cleared path through the snow, not even concerned that Papyrus was following me. Soon I was faced with another, much larger maze of rocks with blue X's scattered throughout. This time, the switch was out in front.

"Human!" Papyrus shouted in his usual menacing voice that didn't frighten me anymore, but he switched almost immediately back to the friendly voice he was just using. "Hmm...how do I say this..." When I turned around to look at him, he was smiling. "You were taking a long time to arrive, so...I decided to improve this puzzle...by arranging the snow to look more like my face." His eyebrows furrowed, but he sounded more annoyed than angry. "Unfortunately, the snow froze to the ground. Now the solution is different! And, as usual, my lazy brother is nowhere around." His eyes narrowed and shifted to the side. "I suppose what I am saying is..." Then he smiled again, and he took the same proud stance that he did when I first saw him. "Worry not, human! I, the great Papyrus, will solve this conundrum! Then we can both proceed! Meanwhile, feel free to try the puzzle yourself! I'll try not to give away the answer!"

I approached the puzzle and tilted my head to see that it did vaguely resemble Papyrus' face. If I stared at it long enough, I probably could have figured out a way to walk through the maze while only stepping on each blue X once, remembering that stepping on it again would reset it. But Papyrus' eagerness to help was too intriguing for me to disregard. Obviously he needed to get through, too, but I had a feeling there was more than selfish interest behind it. [Is he actually lending a helping hand,] I wondered, [or is this just a ploy to gain my trust before he hands me over to his superiors?] Then again, didn't I accuse Toriel of the same thing at first? And look how that turned out. Still, this was a different person with very different aspirations, ones that he hadn't exactly been hiding, and the only way to find out what he really meant by this was to play into his hands. So I went up to him and said "Okay, you got me. I can't figure it out."

"So, you want a hint, huh?" Papyrus asked, where normally I would have expected him to laugh in my face and brag about how brilliant he was. "Well...I've been looking at the puzzle... and I think the solution...is to turn all the X's into O's! You should try that! Ask again for more great hints!" Despite his smile, he kept a straight face, even as I rolled my eyes. "Maybe solving the last puzzle again will help."

[I knew it,] I thought. [He just wanted to mock me. He couldn't get the best of me with puzzles alone, so now he's resorted to tricking me.] I folded my arms with a pout and returned to the puzzle. I walked a couple of different routes through the maze, but every path I took forced me to walk over at least one X more than once. I'm not sure whether it was hunger or fatigue clouding my judgment, or just my frustration with Papyrus, but I didn't have all day, and there was no jumping over the long row of spikes blocking our way. Swallowing my pride, I went back over to Papyrus and said "Alright, I've given it a few tries, and I still can't find the answer. Can you please help me?"

"Eureka!" Papyrus exclaimed. "I've figured out the puzzle! You seem like you're having fun, though...do you absolutely, dapsolutely want the solution?"

"Yes," I answered.

"The! Solution! Is!" He paused and whispered "Please imagine a drumroll in your head," then declared "That tree over there has a switch on it! Check it outie!"

I followed his hand as it pointed out a tree a little further back, and when I inspected it more closely, I found a switch on its trunk. When I pressed it, I heard a click, but the puzzle was exactly as I left it. I marched up to Papyrus, ready to ask him for another hint and bracing myself for another stupid remark, but I stepped on the main switch in the process and the blue X's were instantly transformed into green O's. I jumped back as the spiked were pulled into the ground.

"Wow!" Papyrus shouted, that sincere smile still on his face. "You solved it! My advice helped! It really helped you! Incredible! I'm impressed! You must care about puzzles like I do! Well, I'm sure you'll love the next puzzle, then! It might even be too easy for you! Nyeh! Heh heh! Heheheh!"

[It will be easy if you keep giving away the answers,] I thought as he ran off. [Nah, don't sell yourself short. You solved all of the other puzzles without his help, well, except for that electricity maze thing.] And I was confident I would have gotten this one eventually, if I had been willing to stay and work it out. Maybe Sans' laziness was starting to rub off on me. And no sooner did I think that than I found him standing on the side of the road.

"Good job on solving it so quickly," he said, turning to me as I approached him. "You didn't even need my help. Which is great, 'cause I love doing absolutely nothing."

"So I've noticed," I said with a chuckle. Though he did promise to protect me and hold his brother back, and he didn't even seem interested in doing anything along those lines, I was managing so well on my own that I didn't feel the need to hold it against him. [Maybe he knows that I'm not in any real danger], I thought. [Maybe Papyrus truly is as nice as he would have me believe. Or maybe Sans is an even bigger threat to me than Papyrus, and he just wants me to sleep on him while Papyrus keeps me busy.]

Suspecting Sans like that with no real basis for it gave me a chill as I walked onward, but perhaps I wasn't wrong to suspect that there was something he wasn't telling me about himself. No sooner had I turned my back on him than he was standing in front of me, facing Papyrus, on the other side of a large square floor that was covered with tiles in different shades of gray. I did a double take as I crossed over another small, wooden bridge, just to make sure hunger wasn't making me hallucinate. Once I was over the bridge, they both turned to face me.

"Hey! It's the human!" Papyrus shouted with a giddy grin. "You're gonna love this puzzle! It was made by the great Dr. Alphys!" He placed a hand on the large metal box beside him, with a light-up screen of squares and four knobs below it. "You see these tiles?! Once I throw this switch...they will begin to change color! Each color has a different function! Red tiles are impassable! You cannot walk on them! Yellow tiles are electric! They will electrocute you! Green tiles are alarm tiles! If you step on them...you will have to fight a monster! Orange tiles are orange-scented. They will make you smell delicious! Blue tiles are water tiles. Swim through if you like, but...if you smell like oranges! The piranhas will bite you. Also, if a blue tile is next to a yellow tile, the water will also zap you! Purple tiles are slippery! You will slide to the next tile! However, the slippery soap...smells like lemons! Which piranhas do not like! Purple and blue are OK! Finally, pink tiles. They don't do anything. Step on them all you like. How was that? Understand?"

"Of course," I answered, reciting the rules as quickly as I could in my head. He probably would have explained it all over again if I had said no, but I figured the smarter I made myself out to be, the sooner he would give up trying to trap me.

"Great! Then there's one last thing..." he said. "This puzzle...is entirely random! When I pull this switch, it will make a puzzle...that has never been seen before! Not even I will know the solution! Nyeh heh heh! Get ready...!"

I took a step back as Papyrus pulled the switch, and the tiles began to light up in an array of bright colors. They flashed and changed themselves up so rapidly, I had to look away to avoid getting a headache. But when the flashing stopped and we all looked at the final arrangement, my mouth hung open, and so did Papyrus' as he spun around in circles, moving farther down the path. The entire floor was red, except for a pink path that was two tiles wide and extended all the way from one side to the other. Sans watched Papyrus spin out of view and then turned back to me as I walked across the floor. He and I both laughed when I reached the other side.

"Actually, that spaghetti from earlier..." Sans said when we pulled ourselves together. "It wasn't too bad for my brother. Since he started cooking lessons, he's been improving a lot. I bet if he keeps it up, next year he'll even make something edible."

I giggled as I went over to look at the machine, but it wasn't working, so I continued on my way. I wondered if I would ever get the chance to meet this Dr. Alphys and tell them that their colored tile puzzle had been put to good use. Apparently the snow in the forest had also been put to good use, for all around the next sentry station I came to, there were large formations of various shapes and lengths. Some of the snow figures resembled dog's heads, but others were cylindrical, twisted, or bent, and some had fallen over. There was a bell on the counter of the sentry station, but when I looked inside, it was empty except for a box of something called "pomeraisins." A sign next to the station read "AWARE OF DOG," and then below it, "please pet dog." I knew then whose station this was, and who was responsible for all of these snow sculptures. As I inspected the base of one of the snow dogs, I heard a voice from behind me, and when I turned around, I saw a faun standing on the side of the road.

"A dog just rushed in here, filled with inspiration. It kept trying to build a snow dog that expressed its own emotions..." he said. "But, as it built, it kept getting more excited about the sculpture...its neck got longer and longer, and it added more and more snow, until...it was rather sad to watch, but I couldn't turn away."

I nodded in understanding and turned back to the snow dog when I saw something glisten in the snow. As I dug around the base, I found a Saving Star marked with the letters "S-DH" and picked it up, swapping it out for the one that was in my pocket. After I made the exchange, I took one last look at the sculptures before moving on. Knowing that Lesser Dog would never give up trying to make the perfect snow dog filled me with determination. Good thing, too, because I would need all the determination I could get to solve the next puzzle.

Before me lay a frozen pond with small patches of land scattered throughout, and each of these patched was marked with at least one blue X. The switch was on the far side, and I would have to time my steps exactly right so that I would only slide and land on each X once before hitting the switch. I reached into my bag and pulled out the piece of monster candy to savor while I mapped out my route. [Strawberry,] I tasted with delight, and since it was too hard to bite, I let it sit in my mouth as I traced out the route with my finger, just to make sure it was right. If I made a mistake, I might not be able to go back and fix it, or it would at least take me a while. Once I had sucked the candy down to a manageable size, I chewed up the rest and approached the right side of the pond. I stepped onto the first blue X, then slid all the way to the next one, turned left and hit the third, turned left again to reach the fourth, walked onto the fifth, and repeated the process for the inward square until I reached the middle and final X. Then I turned right and slid onto the switch, and a land bridge formed over the narrow chasm separating me from a thick grove of trees. I crossed the bridge and walked through the grove, surprised not to run into any monsters along the way, but when I emerged from the trees, so much snow had fallen onto my head that it was practically a work of art that I was almost sorry to shake off. My cheeks were sore from smiling by then, or perhaps that was just the cold air catching up to me. But I couldn't recall ever laughing as much as I did that day.

There were two paths I could take from there, one continuing forward and one leading off to the right. The forward path had a sentry station up ahead, and I wasn't up for another fight just yet, so I took a right turn and found another narrow path of cleared snow. On one side was a high, sheer cliff wall, and Sans was standing at the base, staring blankly into the distance.

"Oh, hi, Sans," I said with a wave as I went up to him.

"What's up?" he replied, turning to face me.

"Nothing. I'm just wondering how you get from place to place so fast without moving."

He didn't answer, just kept staring at me. I continued down the path, and from the large cracks in the cliff wall, I could see tiny white eyes peeking out at me. I kept my focus on them as I made my way along the wall, but I was more surprised to find Sans waiting for me at the other end. He smiled at my shock as I turned my head back and forth, from where he was then to where he was before, just to make sure I wasn't seeing things.

"Say...are you following me?" he asked.

"How did you...you were just...see, this is what I was talking about!"

Again, Sans said nothing. I shrugged it off with a "Whatever," then walked all the way to the end of the path, which turned out to be a dead end. It was a long way down to the valley, but even from that height, I could see a small house standing among the trees, and I even thought I saw someone come out of it and walk around. Whoever it was, they weren't out for long, and as soon as they went back inside, I turned around and head back the way I came.

Sans was exactly where I left him, and when I came close enough to him, he looked my way and asked "Are you lost?"

This time, it was my turn to ignore him. The glowing eyes in the cracks had disappeared, but I should have known better by then that it didn't mean anything. I stumbled backwards in surprise as something jumped out at me from the opening in the cliff wall and found myself face to face with an angry-looking monster. It looked sort of like a reindeer, with a brown coat, thin legs, large eyes, and an impressive set of antlers, and I would have been more afraid if those antlers weren't topped with tiny pine trees and decorated with tinsel and hanging ornaments. As the monster looked at me with pain in its eyes, I turned to my guidebook for help and found its picture. "Gyftrot," the entry read. "Some teens 'decorated' it as a prank."

"Leave me alone..." said the monster, and the air around us had grown so cold that I could see its breath. Hail stones began falling above me as the monster paced back and forth, and one of them hit me on the head. I consulted the picture in the book again as I rubbed the bump, and while the pine trees atop its antlers were part of its body, the tinsel and ornaments were definitely not. Gyftrot back away from me, probably distrusting my youthful demeanor, but I inched closer to it, whispering "Hey...it's okay...I won't hurt you..." In a way, I could relate to this monster; one time I fell asleep under a tree near the playground and woke up to find that someone had drawn weird symbols all over my face. I didn't even realize it until I came back inside and everyone laughed at me, even some of the nuns.

"I'm sorry about what they did to you," I said softly. "Here, let me fix it." Gyftrot held still as I removed the lenticular bookmark of a smug teen winking, as well as a box of raisins.

"That's a little better," said the monster, slightly less irritated, but then another shower of hail came down upon us. I knew I would have to take everything off if I ever wanted it to let go of my soul. I removed all of the tinsel in one pull and released it from my grip as soon as it was off, rubbing my sore hands. What I thought was tinsel was actually barbed wire made of pipe cleaners. [How inhumane,] I thought.

"That's a little better," Gyftrot repeated before another hailstorm came down on me. Dodging that string took the last of my energy, and I leaned up against the cliff wall to catch my breath. Feeling my stomach growl, I pulled the Nice Cream out of my bag and opened it. I have no idea what was in it, but one lick and I felt ready to take on a whole new day. Maybe the milk and sugar in this world had magical properties, or maybe magic was the secret ingredient.

"Don't put any more on me!" Gyftrot snapped, staring at me.

"I won't, I promise," I replied, holding out the Nice Cream bar. "Here, want some?"

The monster took a few licks of the frozen treat and smiled, saying "A weight has been lifted." Gyftrot let go of my soul, and I finished the Nice Cream as it dropped twenty gold coins on the ground between us. "My problems have been taken away."

"Glad I could help," I said with smile and more cheer in my voice than ever before. "Have a wonderful day!"

The monster walked away as I collected the gold coins. As I turned to go, I saw Sans standing at the far end of the cliff wall, in the same exact spot he was in when I first came down this path. He didn't say anything when I stopped and looked at him, just stared blankly at me. I stood in silence and engaged him in a staring contest, but after a minute, I had to turn away and blink. I was expecting him to laugh and say he won, but he didn't move at all and his face remained unchanged. I put my hands on my hips and grinned.

"Okay, now you're just teasing me," I told him, then waited a second for his response. Still nothing. I tried poking him to make sure it was really Sans, and if it was a decoy, it was a pretty convincing one. [Nah, it's him. He's just being a troll.]

I found my way back to the fork in the road and turned right to continue down the path I was previously on. What I thought was a sentry station before turned out to be a tiny doghouse, and there were mounds of snow all over the ground outside of it, along with a sign that just had the word "Woof" written on it. I inspected the first mound I came to, and there was a note on it that read "It's a snow poff." "Okay...good to know, I guess..." I thought aloud. I took a look at the next one, and that one had a note that read "And this...is a snow poff." The third one I found read "This, however, is a snow poff," and I checked each of the others in order to see which one of these things was not like the others. The fourth one read "Surprisingly, it's a snow poff," the fifth one read "Snow poff..." the sixth one read "Is it really a snow poff?" and the seventh one read "Behold! A snow poff." There was no note on the eighth snow poff, but I did find thirty gold coins hidden inside it, so I took those and went to look at the last snow poff, the one sitting in the middle of the road. When I came close enough to it, I saw something white and fluffy pop out of the back side and wag back and forth. Then the head of a small, white dog popped out of the side facing me and stared at me with his pointy ears perked up. He gave two small yips, and I grinned from ear to ear, waiting for him to jump out and charge at me. I extended my arms, ready to pet him, but I pulled them back as soon as the rest of the dog emerged from the snow. He towered over me in his suit of gray metal armor, and he held a long spear in his left paw. Still, even as he took hold of my soul, his tail was wagging back and forth and he appeared to be smiling at me, awaiting my command. The tag on his collar read "Greater Dog."

I stumbled backwards and landed in the snow, and as I stood up shaking, I remembered all the dogs I had encountered before. [They all warmed up to me after a little playtime. Why should this one be any different?] I took a few more steps back and called "Here, Greater Dog!" and at my whistle, Greater Dog bounded towards me, flecking slobber into my face. He barked so loudly that I had to cover my ears and wait until he was done to make my next move. Greater Dog was seeking my affection now, so I decided to pet him. He curled up in my lap as I did it, and he got so comfortable that he fell asleep. I probably should have fled at that point, but this was the closest I'd ever come to having my own dog, and I would cherish it for as long as it lasted. Then he woke up, and he was so excited that he waved his spear around. Luckily, I knew the ways of the game now, and I timed my movements just right so as to only be hit when the spear was glowing blue. Greater Dog pat the ground with his front paws, and that meant it was time to play, so I made a snowball and threw it for the dog to fetch. It splatted on the ground, so Greater Dog picked up all the snow in that area and brought it to me. Now he was very tired and rested his head on me. Feeling my stomach rumble, I pulled out the other Nice Cream from my bag and offered Greater Dog the first lick. He just bit it in half, and I ate the other half while he finished his share. His barking was still loud but had tamed a little.

"Are those claws natural?" I asked with a smile, reading the message on the wrapper where there would usually be a joke. As I pet the dog, he sunk his entire weight into me, and I had no idea how I was going to get up. But it still wasn't enough for either of us. I pet decisively, and Greater Dog flopped over with his legs hanging in the air, finally contented. As my soul stopped glowing, I reached out a hand, and Greater Dog jumped out of his armor, revealing himself to be only half my height. He ran up to me on all fours and licked my face, then jumped back into the suit of armor and walked away. Except, he jumped in head first and his tail was sticking out of the neck hole, wagging with every step he took. I fell back into the snow and laughed, wondering how he could see where he was going and waiting for him to bump into something.

When Greater Dog was gone, I threw the Nice Creams stick and wrapper into my bag and looked at the snow poff where he had been hiding. He left behind a small sack containing forty gold coins, which I would gladly pay if he meant he would stay and be my dog. Honestly, I would have taken any of those dogs as companions, if they didn't already have obligations to the ruler of this land. The armor they wore, the weapons they carried, and the style of their collars marked them all as members of the Royal Guard, the same elite force that Papyrus was trying to join. Their sole purpose was to capture humans, and that is what they were trained to do. But training, intelligence, and monster magic aside, they were still dogs at heart, and if any animal on Earth could be called the embodiment of love, I would give that prize to the dog. With nothing but a stick and a little affection, I managed to turn them all against their master, at least for a few minutes. And though I knew not every monster I ran into would be so easy to sway, especially not one as motivated as Papyrus, that gave me the drive I needed to continue on my journey.